Posting in honor of my late husband’s birthday today. I wrote this over a year ago but didn’t publish it. Today seems like the perfect day.

I’ll never forget the day Kevin sat across from me at a table in our work cafeteria and revealed an unexpected side of his personality. You see, we met at work. He was a manager. Very professional, knowledgeable, and well-put together in his appearance. He smiled and spoke to mostly everyone he crossed paths with. But as we were growing closer he didn’t want me to have any misunderstanding about who he was.

“I ain’t always nice.” He said sharply. In fact I think his exact words were, “I ain’t always a nice motha fucka!”

He went on to explain that he was educated on the streets and in the classroom. He knew how to play the corporate game and make nice with people when he had to. In the workplace he would check people very professionally because he wasn’t losing his job for anyone. Outside the walls of the company, though, he would go the fuck off and cuss motha fuckas out! His words.

I was 33 and I had never had a man express such a thing. I was shocked, speechless but so intrigued.

In later years , during some of our most difficult times, I would remember this moment and think, “Girl, that was your chance to walk away.”

But I’m so glad I didn’t. And I don’t say that now because he’s gone. I say that because God used him to teach me about the complexities of man, the complexities of love, the complexities of life. And He used me to teach Kevin about unconditional love, forgiveness, and kindness.

My husband was hard as hell. He could have the worst attitude and hold grudges for waayyy too long. But he was also a man who loved God, loved musicals, loved to sing and rap (of course, with lots of profanity). Lol.

But he was also a man who would pull the car over to take a picture of a rainbow, and remark of its beauty.

I learned to appreciate such beauty, too, because of #myKevin.

Naturally Yours,

LA