Tag: Faith

Journey to My Adventure: The Benefit debacle

Tuesday, July 5, 2021

On the way to sleep I was thinking about the week ahead. My official last week at the job. OMG! The anxiety is real.

Like, off the payroll effective 7/9.

Like, no more insurance ( I do have the option to extend it for 6 mos).

Like, no more discounts for my AT&T services (cell bill, security system, TV, internet)

Like, no more going to work and sitting there doing virtually nothing for a pretty good paycheck.

Hmmm…Why did I do this again?” I find myself asking.

Oh yeah…because I’m sick of the ish! And have been for about five years.

Truthfully, the insurance thing is kind of getting to me. One of the friend’s at work who I shared the news with about my decision to leave advised me to get all of my medical, vision, and dental appointments in by last day of payroll. Sounds like good advice, right?

But not really. It’s not likely to be able to secure appointments for two people–me and my son–in a matter of two weeks!

I tried, though. I managed to get an appointment with my primary care doctor and I used my eyeglass frame prescriptions from November 2020 to get a sunglasses frame. I called our dentist to try to schedule cleanings, left a message, and they haven’t called back. Unfortunately, but maybe not, my son cracked his tooth over the weekend and now he has to have oral surgery to get the tooth extracted. Luckily, they were able to schedule that before my last day of payroll, though a large portion of the cost is not covered by insurance.

Nevertheless, my son still needs physical and Lord knows what else could come up. Although I have to pay out of pocket, without the luxury of regular paychecks coming in, I’m glad that AT&T has an option for me to extend my coverage for six months. I’d rather have insurance than face astronomical medical bills if anything should come up for me or my son before I secure another position with benefits.

This makes me very appreciative of Obama Care. It’s good to know that if the self-employment or PT work become my way of life that I can still have insurance.

Journey to my new adventure–Who to Tell first

Tuesday, June 22, 2021

By default, my daughter was the first to know what I was doing. Now, she may not have believed that I actually going to go though with it because she knows how big of a decision leaving my job is, especially not having one to go directly to. After all, I have always preached to her and, now my 17 year old son, that you don’t leave a job without another one waiting. Well, I’ll explain, it’s a little different when you’re 45 and you’ve spent the last 23 years in a place for the sake of providing stability for your family and now you’re ready to live more for yourself. And, the decision was not made with the expectation for someone else to take care of me.

Anyway, I knew the word would get out at work after I turned my paperwork in to my manager. But I wanted to ensure that my actual friends at work heard the news from me before they heard it from the grapevine. Rather than communicating with them individually, I decided to send a group text. They all responded with congratulations. All of them know of my literary efforts and probably think that I’m leaving to pursue my literary dreams.

Sharing the news with my family wasn’t going to be as easy as a group text. My core family–mom, sister, brother, and son–would definitely receive the news differently than my friends. Though they know I wouldn’t make the decision lightly, they’ll still wonder why in the world I’m leaving my “good” job. Either that, or they’ll think I’m sitting on a pile of money that I haven’t told them about! LOL

I had planned to tell them on the 4th of July when they were over celebrating on my new deck. But when the day got going, my focus was grilling and accommodating everyone’s needs. It was a few more people there than usual so I got lost in the chaos of all of it all. So, family group text it is! (With the exception my mom–she doesn’t like important news via text.)

When you have news to share with family or friends, how have you shared it? Let me know in the comments.

So This Happened Today: Journey to My next adventure

Monday, June 21, 2021

Either third time’s a charm or third time’s a swift kick in the butt by God himself: “This is you last chance to trust Me.”

Opportunity #1: March 2006. I was in a strained marriage, had just had my second child two years before, and was working on my master’s degree when the department I was in decided to move the work to Dallas, TX. I’d had great plans for my career at AT&T once I received my MBA in Human Resource Management. I’d hoped to be an encouraging and supportive trainer like the Sabrina, the woman who trained me eight years before. Plus, my eight years of service wasn’t going to garner me any significant severance package. Nothing like the 100K buyout that my husband had been offered on the job he only had 5 years employment with. Moving with the work wasn’t an option. So I stayed and waited for the company to place me in another job in the company, hoping it would come with opportunity to advance.

Opportunity #2: June 2019. I’ve been working in my current dept for nearly 15 years. The work we were doing was on the declining side of the business. There has been no opportunity for growth or promotion within the department and pursuing opportunities in other departments within the company have proven fruitless. Admittedly, all the “no’s” from AT&T was a blow to my confidence. I became discouraged and began doubting my abilities. Thankfully, though, I had my writing. Pursuing the passion eventually became my priority over anything AT&T had to offer. Still, when the offer was made to take a buyout package when the company was making cuts in the department, I was scared to make that move. A couple of major things had occurred in my life by this time. First, I’d lost my 2nd husband, Kevin, after a house fire and a terminal illness in 2017. I was back to being a single mother, responsible for an entire household on my own. Then, I suffered a stroke in 2019 and had to start a regular medication regimen of blood thinners and cholesterol reducing pills. How would I pay for this expensive medication? How was I going to manage all of this on my own?

You can’t leave now, Charmine. You need AT&T’s comfortable salary and good benefits for you and your son.

The weight of that voice influenced my decision to stay. So I remained in my daily discontentment of complacency and fear of trusting God with…what could be next.

Opportunity #3 June 2021. The restrictions of the pandemic have been lifted. My son made it through an entire year of online school and is going into his senior year of high school. I’ve been dating a guy that I really like. And I finally got connected with a contractor to build a deck in the back of my house. Then the week I made the final payment on the deck and two weeks before me and the new guy have a trip planned for Chicago, another force reduction is announced in our department. The first part of the reduction is the buyout offer.

My first thought was, This is your time. It’s now or never, Charmine.

My second thought was, Can you really do this?

Then I heard the still, quiet voice of God, “With Me, you can. I will never leave nor forsake you.”

I always give God credit for being my provider but I’m guilty of giving too much credit to AT&T for providing me a life of comfort. I’d bought into this corporate/blue collar culture of boasting about my 20 years seniority, my 4 weeks of vacation, the company 80% 401k matching, employee discounts on my cell,TV, and internet service. I wanted to get the rest of what AT&T promised me. Another recognition gift when I reached 25 years of service, another week of vacation, etc.

BUT…brace yourself…AT&T CAN’T HOLD ON A CANDLE TO WHAT GOD HAS FOR ME (AND YOU ) AS LONG AS I TRUST HIM!

So, on Friday, June 18 I signed my name on the line and dated the paper accepting the buyout offer 2021. I didn’t turn it in until the following Monday BUT the decision was made that Friday. There was no pondering over the weekend. There was pure acceptance and calm in my spirit. Then I preceded to celebrate the launch of anthology and at a beautiful party in the garden with some of my best supporters.

I must thank the people in my life who didn’t naysay me but encouraged me to fly and trust God! They include my daughter, who has been my #1 cheerleader, my friend and Conversations Between Widows co-host Tonia, the new man in my life, who shall remain nameless for the time being :), a former coworker, Karen, who likely doesn’t know how God used her to encourage. Her words to me on in a random conversation were, “I wish someone encouraged me to pursue life outside AT&T when I had the chance.” And there she was doing it for me just hours after I decided not to leave.

Follow my next several posts as I journey to my next adventure of life…

Naturally Yours,

LA

Spiritually Speaking–No Title Necessary

I almost didn’t make it to church today. It was my plan to attend service and assist the Trustees, the ministry I serve on, with our first dinner sale of the year. I was up early enough to bake the last pan of chicken that I was making for the dinners. Then I decided to do some Yoga. Before I started the video on demand I decided to take an anti-anxiety medication recently prescribed by my doctor. I’d noticed the last couple of days my mind was all over the place preventing me from going to sleep. However, before I made it to the second Yoga position in the video, I could hardly hold myself while on my hands and knees. I didn’t get it. One minute I was fine, the next I felt like I was going to throw up or fall out. When I went back into my bedroom, I realized I’d made a terrible mistake. I’d taken a strong sleep-aid medication!

Barely able to sit up straight on my Yoga mat, there was no way I could drive to church or stay awake long enough watch the chicken in the oven. I called my daughter, explained everything and she, of course, agreed to step in and take the chicken to the church. I was disappointed but safety first. After setting the timer on the stove and my phone for extra coverage, I laid down on the couch, falling in and out of sleep until the both the timers sounded.

By the time my daughter arrived home, I was up and drinking a cup of coffee. She was more than relieved when I told her that I was good to go. She didn’t need to make the church run for me. Win-win.

I made it to church in time to assist my ministry team with setting everything up and participate in communion, our first Sunday of the month tradition. On the way to the sanctuary, a young man walked through the doors of the fellowship hall. He was grumbling, clearly upset. With earphones around his ears I figured he was talking on the phone but his conversation was disturbing.

“I can’t stand these church people. They’re so fake. They always have something to say.”  He was fighting back tears. The other trustee and myself couldn’t help but stop and try to determine if he was talking to us or someone else, or if he needed help. When the other trustee probed, the young man pretty much repeated himself. She told him to come on back in the church. As the three of us got closer to the door he said something like every time he tries to get closer to God that these people always talking stuff to him, being hypocrites.

Considering this church has been my church home since I was a teenager. I wanted to know who had said something to offend this young man, and what, but this was not a time for nosey inquiries.  Instead of asking questions, I found my voice to speak the truth that was swirling around in my head as he was complaining.

“Honey,” I said like he was my son. “Every time you move closer to God, trying to live the way God wants you to, this is exactly what satan does. He uses, most times those closest to you or those who you’d least expect, to push all of your buttons and run you in the opposite direction of God. When that happens, just ask God to help and bless the offending person and go on about your day.” The young man appeared to feel some relief. He thanked me, then opened the door for myself and the other trustee–like a perfect gentleman–and the three of us made our way into the sanctuary.

Over the years there have been plenty of situations when I’ve been in the company of people expressing challenging life situations. But unlike today I remained silent not feeling it was my place to say anything. However, as a Christian, speaking up, is exactly what we are called to do. Notice I didn’t say as a Minister, Evangelist, or Deacon. Titles have nothing to do with spreading the word of God.

Believe me, I understand the fear and apprehension of speaking up in those situations. You’re likely to think that you don’t know enough, that your understanding is not deep enough, you don’t know the book, chapter, or verse of scripture of any verse to reference what you want to say. That’s how I was and still am more often that I care to admit.

What’s changed, though, is my desire for God to use me in the way He desires to. In recent years, I’ve been praying for understanding of His word and asking Him to use me to be a blessing to others as He sees fit. That’s a good place to start.

I didn’t wake up this morning planning to encourage anyone in the Lord. In hindsight, though, I have to wonder if my mistakenly taking that sleeping-aid medication was a plan of satan to keep me home, thus preventing me from encountering that young man today. Well…not today devil.

Let the church say Amen!

Naturally Your,

L.A.

Spiritually Speaking–Not My Will

On the first Sunday at my church, we partake of communion, do baptism, and have a time for God-glorifying testimony. Today, I was supposed to be sharing my own testimony of how God delivered on His promise of meeting my need and desire for my new house. But things didn’t work out quite how I thought. We didn’t close last week, as scheduled. Nothing on my end, but the sellers. I was pretty distraught to say the least. Spent most of the week, trudging through the days that I was supposed to be excited about closing eating junk food.

“What’s up with this Lord?”, I asked my God. “I did everything You asked. I prayed.  I sought guidance. I walked in faith, even writing the date of September 1st as the date we’d be moving from our apartment on a vision board of sorts in my bedroom. Closing was set for August, 30th. How could it NOT happen?

Over those days that I held back tears while eating sugar and salty foods, I felt like a fool. Wishing I had never mentioned the move to anyone. Wishing I’d never gotten my hopes up.

Then I thought about the story of Job. The story of satan and God talking about that good, God-fearing man Job, who God knew to be faithful. That man who satan told God would break, turn against God if he could just have his way with him. God allowed satan to do everything to destroy Job except kill him. All to test Job’s faith.

I figure that’s what’s happening with me. This is a test of my faith. Am I going to doubt what God has for me because it didn’t happen when I wanted it to. Who am I to tell God when this deal is supposed to happen, when my family is going to move.

It’s not about my will, but His. My role is to trust that it will be at the appointed time and to walk in faith, which is of the thing hoped for and not seen. So guess what? We’re still packing and preparing for the move to come!

Til Next Time,

L.A.

Spiritually Speaking– Give Us ThIS Day

Very early in my relationship with the man I eventually married, he disclosed a medical condition that he was diagnosed with some five years earlier. Dermatomyositis, a rare inflammatory disease, in which symptoms include muscle pain, muscle tenderness, fatigue, and possible lung problems. After being treated for the symptoms he was experiencing at the time, he became symptom free and disproved the claim by the doctor that he’d be in a wheelchair within five years. Fast forward another five years, symptoms returned, likely ignited from the constant travel he was doing with his job. Fast forward another few years and now he’s been diagnosed with a life threatening lung disease for which there is known cure. The week of Christmas his lung doctor informed us that she doesn’t foresee him qualifying for the lung transplant that he needs to save his life in time before the disease ends his life. She advised us to call Hospice for Palliative Care.

Merry Christmas, right?

By God’s grace we still had a wonderful holiday. We hugged more, gazed into each other’s more. Reminisced on our time together. No matter what had transpired between us throughout the years, we always enjoyed holiday time with our families. Since it could be his last Christmas with us, my husband dazzled us in the kitchen: corned beef and cabbage, pot roast and carrots, crablegs. Everything was delicious!

“You could’ve been doing this all the time, SIR.” I said with a wide grin on my face but very serious.

My husband is standing toe to toe with his mortality. In turn, that means I am too. Over these last several months that we’ve been dealing with my husband’s health challenges, he has said too many times than I care to count, “I’m dying, Char.” “I might not be here tomorrow.” Specifically during this holiday season, “This might be my last (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve).

The stinging in my heart is always the same and so is my response. “Honey, tomorrow is not promised to any of us. We have to enjoy and be blessed in this day that we’ve been given.”

“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalms 118:24 KJV)

“Give us this day our daily bread.” (Matt 6:11 KJV)

“Take therefore no thought for the morrow; for the morrow shall take thought of the things of itself.” (Matt 7:34 KJV)

God gives us our lives in daily increments. Not weeks, months, and years. In our human nature, giving little thought to the many possibilities of death that we face in the world every day, we make plans for the future. Our short term and long term goals. Where we our next home to be or our next car. Where we’re going to vacation to next summer. In just this first few days of 2016, some people already have the entire year planned out.

It’s nothing wrong with being hopeful for the future, but God’s message to us is clear. We only have today, right now. Not five minutes, not an hour, not five hours from now. Right now. Anything else that follows is God’s grace.

So although my husband is dealing with this life threatening disease, I encourage him (and myself and friends and family) to live each day as though it were our last. Because it could be. I thank God each day that I wake up. I thank Him the same for my loved ones and friends and I encourage you all to do the same.

On this first Sunday of 2016, I say “HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Naturally Yours,

L.A.